So you’re on your self-love and spiritual journey and perhaps some of your friends aren’t there yet, what do you do, can you still be friends?
I mean everyone is on their own journey (no better or worse than the one you are on) so the answer is YES and also could be NO.
I've had this conversation with friends, my therapist and myself countless times over the years and wanted to share with you through my experience, insights and questions I have contemplated myself.
I remember when I began my journey to finding myself, I was so excited to share with my friends everything I was learning and thought of course they’ll jump on board and we can do this journey together- BOY WAS I WRONG!
At first, I was really annoying and likely condescending and saying things like
You SHOULD:
Meditate, go to therapy, learn manifestation and universal laws bla bla bla- Spiritual ego coming out much? HA
And when they weren’t into it or brushing me off my suggestions I just didn’t quite understand.
Until I realized (through the help of my amazing therapist) that:
I can’t change anyone
I can only be an example of change and growth and if/when they are ready they can ask me questions or even join on their own journey
Show compassion because I was once where they were
Let go of expectations of other people’s journey (it’s not mine!)
Focus on why I love them!
So I tried this approach and for some friendships it worked!
And for others I saw a dynamic that I had never seen before and realized again some other things:
Most friendships unfortunately have an expiration date (BFF isn’t for all friendships and that’s ok!)
We make contracts with people when we meet them to be the same person, play the same role the day we meet and continue that role throughout the friendship (some can’t let go of that contract or role and others can evolve)
You can’t rely on history to keep a friendship
No one is better than the other PERIOD (the friendship might have just run it's course)
Questions to reflect on to see if you can and want to still be friends:
Can you still enjoy each other’s company and have things in common?
Can you love and accept this person as is? OR that life has changed for both of you and things may be different than before?
Do you put boundaries around this friendship for your own wellbeing?
What role have you been playing in this friendship and what role has your friend been playing?
Can you be honest, open and communicate where you are at and what you are looking for in a friendship?
Do you have compassion fatigue? *If your friend is constantly complaining, in a victim mentality and is pretty negative and you have found yourself playing helper, cheerleader or therapist this could be true.
Is this friendship mutually beneficial?
Do I get excited to hang out and spend time with this person or do I dread it?
Ending or re-evaluating friendships has been one of the best and hardest things I have done on my journey in the last 5 years and for many years felt lonely on the journey because I wasn’t surrounding myself with enough people that were also going through similar things to connect on similar levels.
BUT in 2020 I decided that if I wanted to add more friendships, soul filling connections where we can talk about all the woo woo, our emotions, the things we are learning, holding space for each other and validating each other, then I had to manifest it into my life.
And I did just that- I reached out to some coaches/healers, joined incredible memberships and began my journey to meet more soul sisters from around the world and have developed more friendships that fill my soul.
And to my friends that I have known for 10, 15, 20, 30+ years,
“I choo choo choose YOU!”
And would like to apologize for the spiritual egoism I once had and may still have at times (work in progress!)
So honoured that we can appreciate each other for who we are, regardless of differing belief systems and life paths. Love you!
I’ll leave you with these quotes about friendship:
“You can let go of the person or love or friendship without letting go of the lesson.” - Mandy Hale
“3 signs of a good friend:
You do not have to perform for them
They hold space for you during struggles
They are truly happy for your success.”
-Yung Pueblo
“Friendship means understanding not agreement. It means forgiveness not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if the contact is lost.”- Unknown
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